I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
