the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
