the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
