maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
