im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
