1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
