its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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