Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
