Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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