All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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