Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
