did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
What drink are we having for lunch?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
