And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
