The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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