So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
