i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
