You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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