when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
