Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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