She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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