No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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