You don't have asthma, your pregnant
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
