I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
