So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
