Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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