My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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