walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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