I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
