Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
