I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She bit a glass in half.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
