i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
