Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
