I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
