Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
