hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
