I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
