I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
