I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
