ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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