How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Randomize
