when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
