i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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