She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg šš
I really regret not asking ālike a cupcakeā when you asked me to eat your ass
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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