does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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