dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
