I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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