She's JV to your varsity
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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