she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
