he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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