bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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